Hazardous Materials Information Sheet
Woman
Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam
Atomic Mass : Accepted at 53.6 Kg but known to vary from 40-200kg.
Occurrences : Large quantities in urban shopping areas.
Physical Properties :
1. Surface usually covered by paint.
2. Boils at nothing , freezes for no known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly handled.
5. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
6. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
Chemical Properties :
1. Has great affinity for gold and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. MOST Powerful money reducing agent known to man.
Common Uses :
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
Tests :
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.
Hazards :
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other, if this happens there is an atomic reaction in which the user becomes physically damaged.
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Man
Element: Man
Symbol: Ma
Discoverer: Some woman called god
Atomic Mass: From Mr Bean to Arnold Schwarzenegger
Occurrences: Found in large quantities around the element whose symbol is Wo.
Physical Properties:
1. Rants at nothing; swears for no known reason.
2. Found in various states from sober to unconscious.
3. Rises if stroked\massaged\kissed in the correct places.
4. Sulks if incorrectly handled.
5. Surface usually covered in hair.
6. Controlled by utensil between legs.
7. Can loose hair rapidly where needed i.e head, and gain it else where.
Chemical Properties :
1. Activity increases when deprived of alcohol.
2. Most GULLIBLE money agent known to women.
3. May explode spontaneously if 3-in a bed is mentioned.
4. Needs sex in great quantities.
5. Has great affinity for beer, a wide range of women, sex more sex and more beer and oh yeah woman.
Common Uses :
1. Can be great aid to getting what you want.
2. Very affective rutting agent.
3. Highly ornamental especially if rich.
4. Can be helpful when decorating, but beware has no colour sense.
5. Worth keeping if can last longer the 2 mins when aroused.
Tests :
1. Turns white when CSA mentioned.
2. Can't distinguish between 1" and 10".
3. Goes limp when placed next to better specimen.
4. Struts when found in natural state.
Hazards :
1. Illegal to posses more than one, but due to lack of intelligence several can be maintained on each day of week.
2. Easily led when with fellow elements.
3. Extremely volatile when mixed with booze and clubs.
