I'll get my coat now
What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
The McCartneys
But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever
find another woman to fill her shoe?
Women eh!
Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, lipo suction,
colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and
cl1ts,
eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs
waxed, diets, exercise and they STILL wont take it up the ase
cause
it 'hurts'.
Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan. Told them I was
suicidal,
they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane......
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to
me...
"Oi, what's your disability?"
I said "Tourettes! Now fck off you cnt!"
I said to the wife, "I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread
today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' "
What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Gordon Brown?
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess
darling, I was a hooker!".
He says "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must
admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it".
She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !".
A man says to his wife "tell me something that will make me happy
and
sad at the same time".
His wife replies "You've got a bigger dck than your brother"
