had a few good 'uns today already so here goes.............
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2 hookers are stood on a stree corner, one says "it's gonna be a good night tonight, I can smell cock in the air"
the other replies "sorry I just burped"
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A man walks into a pub and asks the barman for a pint on anything but not Stella.
"but what's wrong with Stella?", asks the barman
"well last night I bought 12 pints and when I got home I was fucking skint"
"well" says the barman "if you bought 12 pints of any beer you'd spend a lot"
"no!" says the man " 'Skint' is my Jack Russel"
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Paddy walks past a new pub and sees a sign in the window "SPECIAL OFFER, pies 50p, Wanks 10p".
He couldn't believe his luck!
He goes in and sees a stunning blonde barmaid and asks her, "are you the one that gives wanks?"
"yes" she replies
"Well" he says "go and wash your bloody hands, I want a pie"
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ok I'll get my coat
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Topic: ok, here goes for a few jokes I've received via text today (Read 1177 times)