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Author Topic: Christmas Eve's Jokes....  (Read 2511 times)

davemfox

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Christmas Eve's Jokes....
« on: December 24, 2006, 11:16:45 AM »

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own  Condoms and 
kept the same tag-line...

Sainsbury Condoms- making life taste better

Tesco Condoms -every little helps

Nike Condoms -Just do  it.

Peugeot Condoms -The ride of your life.

Galaxy Condoms  -Why have rubber when you can have silk.


KFC Condoms -  Finger  licking good.

Minstrels Condoms -  melt in your mouth, not in  your Hands.

Safeway Condoms -Lightening the load.

Abbey  National condoms - because life is complicated Enough.

Coca Cola  condoms- The real thing.

Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.

Pringles condoms- once you pop, you cant stop

Burger  King Condoms - Home of the whopper

Goodyear Condoms- for a longer  ride go wide

FCUK condoms - no comment required.

Muller  light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's  ThePain.

Halfords  condoms- we go the extra mile.

Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and  thought of you.

Andrex condoms -Soft, strong and very very long

Renault condoms size really does matter!

Ronseal condoms -does  exactly what it says on the tin

Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry  and waterproof In 30  minutes

Domestos condoms- gets right under  the rim!!!    (Eeeuww!!.....)

Heineken condoms- reaches parts  that other condoms just Cannot  reach

Carlsberg condoms- probably  the best condom in the World

AA Condoms - for  the 4th emergency  service

Mini Condoms - Its a mini adventure

Mr Muscle Condoms -  Loves the jobs you hate

Pepperami condoms- it's a bit of an animal

Polo condoms -the condom with the hole

The Manchester United  Condom... One Yank and your whole World falls
apart

**************

Why Condoms Come In Boxes Of 3, 6, and 12 ?

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They  happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To
which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms,
son."

"Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the  display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why
are there 3 in this package?  " The dad replies,"Those are for high
school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for  Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy.

He notices a 6 pack  and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for
college men," the dad  answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and
TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!"  exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a

12 pack!

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the
married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."

************************

You have two choices in life:
You  can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you  wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the  wrong man."


A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all  said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals  your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost  to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of  Africa a man doesn't know his
wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied,  "That happens in every country, son."


Then there was a woman who  said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by 
then, it was too late."


Marriage is the triumph of imagination  over intelligence.


If you want your spouse to listen and
pay  strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.


Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.


First guy says, "My  wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To  understand a man , to Love and to
forgive him , and for patience, For his  moods. Because Lord, if I pray
for Strength I'll just beat him to death "


AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are  waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.

A blind man joins them  after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they
find it overloaded and only  the wife and the nine kids are able to fit
onto the bus.

So the  husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
husband gets  irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as
he taps it on  the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a
piece of rubber at  the end of your stick? That ticking sound is
driving me crazy."

The  blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of
YOUR stick,  we'd be on the bus .. so shut the hell up."

 [rofl]
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1993 YZF 750 SP (in PINK/white as a homage to AndyJ)
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