For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day and you just need
to take it out on someone! Don't take that bad day out on someone you
know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found the number and dialled it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to
Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe
that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number
and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on
my
desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I
yelled, "You're a tosser!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "tosser," and put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really
bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a tosser!"
It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company
introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to
stop
calling the tosser. Then one day I had an idea.
I dialled his number, then heard his voice, "Hello?"
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company.
I was just wondering if you were familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a tosser!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how
if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about
it.
Just dial 0171 823-4863.
But the story doesn't end there...
An old lady at the shopping centre really took her time pulling out of
the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her
car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the park. I
backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great," I
thought, "she's finally leaving"
All of a sudden this black BMW came flying up the parking aisle in the
wrong direction and pulled into her space. I hit the horn and started
yelling. "You can't do that. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
BMW
completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping centre as if he
didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, "This guy's a tosser, there
sure are a lot of tossers in this world"
I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I
wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just got off
the phone
after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a tosser!" (It's really easy to
call him now since I have his number on speed dial). I noticed the phone
number of the guy with the black BMW lying on my desk and thought I'd better
call this guy too.
After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and said,
"Hello?"
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 182 West street, London. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're a tosser!" and I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I
added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialler. For a while things
seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two
tossers to call.
Then, after several months of calling the tossers and hanging up on them,
it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
first, I had my phone dial tosser #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a tosser!", but I didn't hang up.
The tosser said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
"What's your name, pal?" he asked.
I answered obligingly, "Don Hansen."
Then he asked, "Where do you live?"
"182 West Street, London. It's a yellow house and my black BMW is
parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, tosser!" I yelled, then I hung up.
Then I called tosser #2. He answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, tosser!"
He threatened me, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I taunted
"I'll kick your arse."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, tosser!" And I
hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at
182 West Street, London and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
as he got home. I climbed into my car and headed over to West Street to
watch
the whole thing.
GLORIOUS!!
Watching the two tossers kicking the crap out of each other before being
arrested was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Name withheld to protect the guilty.
