The Night He Lost His Virginity......
Carl arrives home with some Fen Rd slapper from Cambridge (No, it wasn't Eccles, LOL). He promptly heads off to his bedroom with said slapper. Carl has a brother, Ricky...... Ricky, Bob & I are downstairs watching TV. Ricky grabs his ghetto blaster & heads up the stairs. There's a bit of shouting & Ricky returns without the ghetto blaster. He keeps checking his watch. After 45 minutes he goes upstairs again & returns with the GB. He extracts a tape.
He then explains that the first time he went upstairs he'd openned the door to enquire if Carl & the gal would like a cuppa tea, On being told to bugger off he left the GB in the room, with *record* pressed....
He then returned 45 minutes later to get it before the tape clicked off alerting Carl & the gal....
Ricky puts the tape into the stereo & rewinds it. He presses *play*........
.....just as Carl & the gal enter the room....
No one says a word, there is much grunting issuing from the stereo.
Carl says *This is good, where'd you get the porn tape?"
The gal realises whats going on & storms off. Carl ignores her departure.
Carl is really liking this *porno tape*.......
right up until the part where they started talking....
Her: "Did you cum?"
Carl: "Well, either that or I think I pissed myself"
I fell off the fcuking couch I was laughing so hard, Bob has tears rolling down his face, Carl is beating the living snot outta his brother.
He never dated her again for some reason.
Sidecars, Stinging Nettles & Mushrooms.. Carl rides again....
It's a Saturday night, big party out at Six Mile Bottom. Me, Carl & Bob are traveling on the Virago outfit. Bobs driving, I'm pillion & Carl is in the sidecar(without a helmet...). Just before leaving home we'd indulged in some mushrooms. Belting along the A45 I'm starting to think this may have been a mistake. Bob thinks he's Steve Webster. We hit the back lanes & really start railing. On right handers Carl is in my lap & I'm hanging off for all it's worth. On left handers Carl is leaning out over the sidecar wheel & I'm laying on the boot of the sidecar. I'm having flashbacks to that Ogri cartoon with the sidecar (Episode #16). We're almost at the party, only one more sharp corner & it's a left hander. However, there is a run off area if we fail to negoiate the bend as there is a farm gate right on the bend. It's blocked by a length of scaffold pole.
I realise Bob has forgotten about this last corner & yell *LEFT!! YOU MOTHERfcukER!!!*. Bob wakes up & throws the whole plot sideways. I'm now IN the sidecar. Carl is barely still with us as he is leant out so far his face goes thru the weeds along the embankment....There is much screaming issuing from Carl.
We get everything straightened out. I climb back onto the pillion, Bob tucks in with one hand on the fork tube & nails it WFO. Carl climbs back in the sidecar. I look at Carl & his face is GREEN. I think "wow, people really do go that colour when they are gonna throw up!* I then realise it's chlorophyll from the plants along the embankment.
We arrive at the party, Carl asks me if his face looks ok. It doesn't (it never did, but thats another story). Turns out all those plants on the embankment were stinging nettles. His face blew up like a watermelon (same colour strangely enough). LMFAO!!
Wanna see Carl's dad? If you have a copy of *Stones in the Park* he was doing security for that gig. He's the one with *WildChild* emblazoned across his back.
How to bump start a 750 Virago.. if your name is Carl....
Me & Carls dad (Bob) used to do contruction/decorating work around Cambridge. We had a Moggy Minor pick up & the 750 Virago sidecar rig.
Everyone knows what Virago starters are like so it was only a matter of time before it crapped out.
Bob & I soon had the *racing bump start* sorted. He run along side the bike. I'd push on the sidecar rollbar. As Bob's ass would hit the seat I'd leap onto the rear bumper of the sidecar & away we'd go. As he accelerated down the road I'd step over the rollbar & sit in the sidecar.
One day we had Carl with us, so theres 3 of us doing the racing bumpstart. The plan is that Bob would run alongside the bike, I'd push on the sissy bar & Carl would push on the sidecar rollbar. Then when Bobs ass hit the seat both me & Carl would leap onto the rear bumper of the sidecar, I'd then step over to the pilion seat of the bike & Carl would climb into the sidecar.
So having just had a liquid lunch at the Cambridge Arms in King St we decide to get back to work....
We all take our positions & start pushing, Bobs ass hits the seat, the bike starts, Bobs nails it WFO, I leap onto the rear bumper of the sidecar & Carl........ (remember, he's about 6'8..)
He steps OVER the sidecar, lands in front of it just as his dad nails it WFO & got run over. Had to literally lift the sidecar off him in the middle of King St.... lmfao
Carl wasn't the only guy to sometimes screw up with the
sidecar..... I'd taken it to college one day, me & another guy went for a few beers at lunch time. Leaving the pub carpark I decide to show him how to wheelie a sidecar outfit. There are 2 problems I'm unaware of at this point:
1, I'm drunk
2, The effect offset rear wheels have on steering...
I get the rig started & we're pointed in the right direction, I give it the berries & drop the clutch. We exit the carpark as the front wheel gets airborne. The bike IMMEDIATLEY does a 180deg turn & we arrive back at the pub. I look at the ashen faced guy in the sidecar & say "Well, since we're here we may as well have another beer....."
Never did make it back to college that day....
