Queen: Philip, one has come to a monumental decision.
Philip: Not again Liz! Last time you did that we ended up having Edward.
Queen: No! I'm going to dissolve parliament, all these money grabbing bastards running the country.
Philip: What! Who is going to bloody run it then?
Queen: We are. The whole family!
Philip: What like the f**king Mafia?
Queen: Look you can run the Foreign Office, you're good with Jonny foreigner.
Philip: True.
Queen: And we have natural leaders for every job in the cabinet - Charles can handle the environment, Zara can do sport and of course Harry can handle immigration policy!
Philip: Actually, on reflection it's a great idea!
Queen: Too right it is. Now Windsor or Balmoral?
Philip: What about them?
Queen: For the second home allowance!
