> These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
> the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
> great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for
> cretins!)
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on
> TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
> them die.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
> tracks? ( Sweden )
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a
> list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (
> USA )
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
> not
> ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
> Cross. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
> and we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
> _________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
>
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
>
> oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
> Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
> A: You are a British politician, right?
>
> ____________________________ ______________________
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
> round? ( Germany )
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
> rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
> make good pets.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget
> its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
> Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you
> go out walking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
> is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )
>
> A: Yes, gay night clubs.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
>
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
